The cave was warm and dry, but
outside it was very different. The rain came down in gert big lumps and thunder
echoed around the mountains. As the storm grew closer, lightning became more
frequent and zagged to the earth, striking several trees on its way. Some of
the trees succumbed to the onslaught and breathed their last as they crashed
down onto the floor of the forest and lay there, gently barking. They wondered
what they had done to deserve such destruction, not realising that causality
was not an issue. The thunder faded as the storm moved away and night
descended, dark and calm.
The
morning dawned bright and freshly washed. A pallid, liquid sun slowly burnt off
the mists generated from the saturated ground, now clinging to the trees that
had been spared by the storm that was a poorly-remembered distant nightmare.
Ugg
stretched in the morning dampness to get the knots out of his ancient joints,
he was seventeen, looked over at his elder brother Ogg, who had not yet
stirred. Ugg and Ogg were twins. This was an unusual event when most births
resulted in a death before two years and twins were considered to be bad luck
because there were usually two deaths close together. They had survived the
births, a few minutes apart, the usual childhood diseases and accidents, grown
up together and were now approaching old age. Their mother was already dead,
having reached the ripe old age of thirty two. Their father was now thirty five
and clearly had little more time to live. He was the chief of the tribe so Ugg
and Ogg had come to the high mountain to find slabs of rock that would be used
to build his cist tomb where he would be buried with what the archaeologists
far in the future would call grave goods. His favourite club, some food to
sustain him in the afterlife and his collection of bowls.
Many
trees had fallen into the combe that they had planned to use as an easy route
back to the village so their choices were to heave the slabs over the tree
trunks or move all of the trees. They decided to try to lift the first slab
over a tree to see if it was possible. It was a struggle to get it up on the
tree but then it stared to roll, taking the slab with it. When all the motion
stopped they saw that the rock slab had moved twice as far as the tree – with
little effort. They decide to try it again with the next tree. It worked again
except that, this time it stopped because one of the tree branches stuck in the
ground.
The
two brothers looked at each other with a growing understanding in their eyes.
Without talking, they each took their flint axes and started hacking the
branches off the next tree down the combe. They then pulled the slab onto it
and rolled it down to the next tree. They repeated this until they got down to
the grazing grassland near the village. They then got the idea of putting the
tree trunk that they had left behind in front of the one they were using so
that the slab just carried in rolling. They rushed into the village and grabbed
a couple of young boys to help them. They explained what they were doing and
soon had the five slabs for the cist down to the village from the mountain high
above.
They
explained all of this and how they had done it to the village elders who
grumbled and said that no good would come of this new technology and, anyway,
it would never catch on – they hadn’t thought of it.. The young ones were very
enthusiastic, however, and insisted that Ugg and Ogg show them how it was done.
Mugg
watched all this while he thought about the possibilities and how this
technology could be developed. Why did
you need a complete tree trunk, he mused, why not cut the tree into a roller
that was only as long as the slab was wide so it would be easier to navigate
down the combe.
Why
not use several rollers to avoid having to keep stopping because you had run
out of tree and why not… Mugg had just invented the first thought experiment.
The
problem with this, of course, was that there was no way of steering and the
rollers often jammed on small rocks in the way. They soon found that fat trees
worked better than thin trees so they cut down the biggest tree near the
village. They then cut discs from it which they fixed to each end of the
roller. Then Mogg suggested that they cut holes in the discs and fitted them
over the roller ends. This allowed them to fix the roller and fix branches
lengthways. They had built a cart!
The
older generation watched all this with some bemusement. They kept a wary eye on
the gods in case this wasn’t allowed and they would be smitten. No smiting
happened but less people were needed to do more work so more crops were grown
and the village flourished in spite of the old ones shaking their heads and
predicting that no good would come of it.
Ugg
and Ogg’s father lived to the magnificent old age of thirty seven and was dully
buried in the stone cist. His was the first funeral ceremony in the history of
the Earth where the body was taken to the grave on a cart.
Mogg
and Mugg now had some spare time so they concentrated on developing this new
technology. They found that smearing pig fat around the centre of the discs
reduced the wear on the rollers so both the discs and rollers lasted longer.
They then tried tying a bullock to the front of the cart to pull it along. Mogg
and Mugg were the first technicians and showed that greater productivity in the
fields freed up others to become specialists and showed the way forward for the
human race. It was a long time before they had the idea of allowing the front
discs to go in different directions to the rear ones and so make a fully
steerable cart.
The
old ones, those over about twenty, couldn’t adapt to these new ideas so they
carried on working in the old way. Their day passed by and the new technology
was developed through the generations at an increasing rate as the young ones
accepted the new technology as normal and the older generations passed on.
This
was to be the way of the world.
*****
It finally wheezed to a full stop,
Southbound on the M6, a mile short of Hilton Park Services. Isla was anxious.
‘Do you think I should call the AA?’
‘Why
not, we have been paying them for years. Let’s see what they can do.’ Said Ted.
Isla did so and
reported that rescue would be there in under thirty minutes. They got out and
arranged themselves on the grassy bank just behind the crash barrier. Ted got
the thermos out of the car so they could enjoy a cup of coffee, while they
waited.
A
yellow van with a light rack flashing on top drew to a halt just in front of
Flossy and a young man with a well-developed belly heaved himself down from the
cab.
‘Stay
behind the barrier please sir,’ he said as Ted struggled to get over the
barrier to talk to him. ‘You cannot be serious, are you really still driving a
Morris Minor estate with wood on the back? I haven’t seen one of these for
years.’
‘She
has given us very good service for many years and has been very reliable,’ protested
Isla. ‘We call her Flossy.’
The
AA man snorted. ‘I’ll see if I can winch her up on the back and then I’ll take
you two and, err - Flossy - to your home where I’ll drop you off. I can’t do
any repairs on Flossy as we don’t carry tools now, just this wrist computer. If
you climb up and make yourselves comfortable in the back of the wagon, I’ll get
Flossy winched up.’
Ted
and Isla couldn’t manage to climb up until Andy showed them the small fold-down
step on the side of the van. Ted wanted to sit up the front, just like his
inner child told him but Andy told him it wasn’t allowed, EU safety rules.
Flossy
was safely tied down and they set off on the drive South to Dursley where Isla
and Ted had lived for over thirty years.
‘Do
you think Flossy is repairable?’ asked Ted.
‘It
will cost you about twice that of a new car. I suggest you go and see what is
available. You will save money overall as the costs to run a new one are much
less than the old fashioned petrol driven things like Flossy. You will probably
find that it, er she, will not be allowed on the roads after next year anyway –
EU rules on pollution etc.’ explained Andy as he battled with the traffic
through the Wednesbury section of the M6.’
They
eventually arrived home and Andy off loaded Flossy onto their driveway.
‘Good
luck with your new car,’ said Andy, as he shook hands with both of them after
getting them to sign his pick up paperwork. He drove off in his nearly
noiseless van, with a cheerful wave.
*
‘Poor Flossy,’ said Isla as they
sat on the bus that would take them to the garage that had always looked after
their faithful Morris, ‘I feel quite guilty having her replaced.’
‘Don’t
get upset, now, it is just a car,’ said the more pragmatic Ted.
They got off the bus and walked
around the corner to the garage. It was gone. A sign over the padlocked gate
said, Closed due to EU regulations.
‘I knew a lot of
garages had closed but I thought old Bert would carry on forever,’ moaned Ted.
‘Just like
Flossy, I suppose,’ mused Isla,’ do you think it will apply to us soon? Put down because of EU regulations?’
‘No, we’ll be ok
for a couple of years yet. Let’s go to those new car showrooms down on the
Gloucester Road.’
*
They were ushered in by a young man
with red braces, gleaming, slicked down hair and a suit that was different to
anything that Ted would ever wear.
‘How
may I help you, Sir and Madam?’ as if he was talking to a couple of dimwits.
Ted did think of playing up to him
by asking him to repeat everything and calling him ‘young man’ but he thought
the time wasn’t right. He explained their situation and ended up asking how
much Flossy would be worth as a part exchange.
‘We
don’t take the old petrol or diesel clunkers,’ he said unkindly, we only take
ten year old nuclear models under EU rules.’
‘You
had better explain,’ said Ted grimly. This was worse than he had imagined.
The salesman started with his ‘old
people’ spiel.
‘As
the oil started running out and a general world – wide agreement was reached on
climate change in 2015, it was agreed that all cars, vans and lorries built
after 2018 would be powered by nuclear. The petrol and diesel cars, vans and
lorries would be phased out. All engines would be sealed, use the lithium
fission process and be built by EADS as, obviously, the airline industry was in
steep decline because of the huge rise in government taxes across the world to
encourage people to use other, less polluting forms of transport. Security was
also an issue as it didn’t seem a good idea to allow terrorists to buy up old
cars and strip them down for their nuclear fuel to make a dirty bomb. The
engine seal is alarmed with bluetooth link to a hotspot to the internet and
thence on to special branch with GPS so the security breach can be shut down
very quickly.
All
new cars can be driven in driver or driverless mode. The system is based on GPS
which can either direct you to your destination or take you there, as you wish.
‘Some older people cannot cope with driverless cars,’ said the young man with a
gleam in his eye.
‘I
was driving and fixing cars while you were still in nappies,’ said Ted who was
getting a little fed up with being lectured.
‘Well,
yes but the fact is there is no maintenance required for the ten year life of
the vehicle – everything is designed to last for ten years, even the tyres etc.
At the end of the ten years or if you decide not to have a car any longer, it
must be returned to an approved dealer and then sent to EADS for a complete
refurbishment and refuelling. The fuel pellets are reprocessed in a secure
facility in Broughton – the old aircraft factory in fact.
The
cars all have a common chassis, engine etc. the only differentiation is in the
body which is put on top. There are obviously no crashes because of the
navigation and distance sensors.
‘But
with no servicing, no fuel, and no insurance, what has happened to all those
jobs?’ asked Isla.
‘The
people are all busy working on the organic farms, bee keeping or following
their creative instincts funded by the government on minimum wages.’ Said Red
Braces. ‘If the government can find the money to support bankers, why can’t it
do it for ordinary people?
Of
course you will have to have a left hand drive because the UK will change over
to driving on the left next year – an EU directive. But to make it easier for
old people we will be doing it over two consecutive weekends, commercial
vehicles on the first weekend and cars on the following one.
There was a silence, ‘but doesn’t
that mean…?’ asked Isla hesitantly.
‘Just
a joke,’ grinned Braces. ‘I think that is about it, do you want a car?’
‘How
much are they?’ asked Ted
‘Totally
free under the EU job creation directive.’
‘It
all seems too good to be true, said Ted.
‘That’s
because you are old,’ said the odious young man, ‘the world is changing and you
old ones are getting left behind.’
Ted stood up, looked the young man
in the eye and asked, have you ever done any boxing?’
‘No,
of course not, it’s too barbaric.’
‘Well
I have’, said Ted, looking down at the young man spread-eagled on the floor.’
Come on Isla. Let’s go home and I’ll sort Flossie out, I am probably the only
guy left in Dursley who can do it, even if I haven’t got any red braces. When
we can’t keep Flossy going any longer we we’ll walk and cycle everywhere. Until
then, we’ll call her a vintage classic.’
‘Good
bye young man, I should get a doctor to look at that bruise. Do you plan to
tell your mates that you got it from an old man?’
