Council cuts

‘Dear Mr Scott, I have some news

that will not accord with your views.

Gardening is a low priority

within this urban local authority.’

This was written in the letter

that triggered off a bitter vendetta

between the council and Gilbert S,

who spent his spare time growing filbert - s

His allotment is in the city centre,

he doesn’t own it, just a renter.

It’s full of catkins, leafs and nuts

surrounding two green water butts

Hazel bushes are all very well

but don’t give very much to sell.

‘Gilbert isn’t economic,

merely mildly gastronomic.’

Times are hard,’ the letter said.

‘All our books are in the red.

We badly need to save some money,

we have no cash for milk and honey.

Children’s services have been cut

We had to sell the scouting hut,

stop filling potholes in the road,

cannot afford the high workload.

We’ve even sold the old folk’s homes.

The library has lost many tomes,

every youth club has been closed,

we voted for it unopposed

Everyone has to do their bit,

so now’s the time to take your hit.

We’re very sorry Gilbert Scott,

to have to say you’ve lost the plot.’

*

This news hit Gilbert very badly

He looked at his hazel bushes - sadly

He thought it unlikely, with no conviction,

Surely the council would not use eviction?

Where could he go, what could he grow

Hazel grows so very slow, you know.

Could he have another plot?

He asked the council, could they allot?

‘We have no land, no plots to spare

I know it isn’t very fair

But you should see our waiting list

You should have a lobbyist.’

Gilbert had to change his plan

he had an idea, he knew a man

At the zoo, just down the hill

They were always looking for his skill

The animals were counted every night

But the birds were difficult, when in flight

So that’s why Gilbert, a polymath

is counting parrots along the flight path.

The council is in private session

Alderman Smith had a confession.

‘We have to close the zoo,’ he said.

‘There, I’ve said it, I’ve made my bed.

Why should a council own a zoo?

It always loses money too.

Those pesky parrots make a noise

Though they are pretty, all turquoise.

We will save a hefty sum.’

He thought a bit and sucked his thumb…

‘Gilbert Scott will lose his job,

That will save us quite a few bob.

Why is Gilbert counting parrots?

What brought him in, what were the carrots?

Did he only need the money,

to live his life with milk and honey?

So they sacked poor Gilbert S.,

No more dreams of growing filbert - s

They sold the zoo, elephants and rats,

Now it’s just a block of flats.

Then Gilbert had a great insight

He would plant his trees at night

He collected all his nutty stocks

Planted them out, emptied his box

Now walk and see the hazel trees

Waving gently in the breeze

and marvel at the name they’ve got:

Gilbert Scott has got his plot.