Technology

The cave was warm and dry, but outside it was very different. The rain came down in gert big lumps and thunder echoed around the mountains. As the storm grew closer, lightning became more frequent and zagged to the earth, striking several trees on its way. Some of the trees succumbed to the onslaught and breathed their last as they crashed down onto the floor of the forest and lay there, gently barking. They wondered what they had done to deserve such destruction, not realising that causality was not an issue. The thunder faded as the storm moved away and night descended, dark and calm.

                The morning dawned bright and freshly washed. A pallid, liquid sun slowly burnt off the mists generated from the saturated ground, now clinging to the trees that had been spared by the storm that was a poorly-remembered distant nightmare.

                Ugg stretched in the morning dampness to get the knots out of his ancient joints, he was seventeen, looked over at his elder brother Ogg, who had not yet stirred. Ugg and Ogg were twins. This was an unusual event when most births resulted in a death before two years and twins were considered to be bad luck because there were usually two deaths close together. They had survived the births, a few minutes apart, the usual childhood diseases and accidents, grown up together and were now approaching old age. Their mother was already dead, having reached the ripe old age of thirty two. Their father was now thirty five and clearly had little more time to live. He was the chief of the tribe so Ugg and Ogg had come to the high mountain to find slabs of rock that would be used to build his cist tomb where he would be buried with what the archaeologists far in the future would call grave goods. His favourite club, some food to sustain him in the afterlife and his collection of bowls.

                Many trees had fallen into the combe that they had planned to use as an easy route back to the village so their choices were to heave the slabs over the tree trunks or move all of the trees. They decided to try to lift the first slab over a tree to see if it was possible. It was a struggle to get it up on the tree but then it stared to roll, taking the slab with it. When all the motion stopped they saw that the rock slab had moved twice as far as the tree – with little effort. They decide to try it again with the next tree. It worked again except that, this time it stopped because one of the tree branches stuck in the ground.

                The two brothers looked at each other with a growing understanding in their eyes. Without talking, they each took their flint axes and started hacking the branches off the next tree down the combe. They then pulled the slab onto it and rolled it down to the next tree. They repeated this until they got down to the grazing grassland near the village. They then got the idea of putting the tree trunk that they had left behind in front of the one they were using so that the slab just carried in rolling. They rushed into the village and grabbed a couple of young boys to help them. They explained what they were doing and soon had the five slabs for the cist down to the village from the mountain high above.

                They explained all of this and how they had done it to the village elders who grumbled and said that no good would come of this new technology and, anyway, it would never catch on – they hadn’t thought of it.. The young ones were very enthusiastic, however, and insisted that Ugg and Ogg show them how it was done.

                Mugg watched all this while he thought about the possibilities and how this technology could be developed.  Why did you need a complete tree trunk, he mused, why not cut the tree into a roller that was only as long as the slab was wide so it would be easier to navigate down the combe.

                Why not use several rollers to avoid having to keep stopping because you had run out of tree and why not… Mugg had just invented the first thought experiment.

                The problem with this, of course, was that there was no way of steering and the rollers often jammed on small rocks in the way. They soon found that fat trees worked better than thin trees so they cut down the biggest tree near the village. They then cut discs from it which they fixed to each end of the roller. Then Mogg suggested that they cut holes in the discs and fitted them over the roller ends. This allowed them to fix the roller and fix branches lengthways. They had built a cart!

                The older generation watched all this with some bemusement. They kept a wary eye on the gods in case this wasn’t allowed and they would be smitten. No smiting happened but less people were needed to do more work so more crops were grown and the village flourished in spite of the old ones shaking their heads and predicting that no good would come of it.

                Ugg and Ogg’s father lived to the magnificent old age of thirty seven and was dully buried in the stone cist. His was the first funeral ceremony in the history of the Earth where the body was taken to the grave on a cart.

                Mogg and Mugg now had some spare time so they concentrated on developing this new technology. They found that smearing pig fat around the centre of the discs reduced the wear on the rollers so both the discs and rollers lasted longer. They then tried tying a bullock to the front of the cart to pull it along. Mogg and Mugg were the first technicians and showed that greater productivity in the fields freed up others to become specialists and showed the way forward for the human race. It was a long time before they had the idea of allowing the front discs to go in different directions to the rear ones and so make a fully steerable cart.

                The old ones, those over about twenty, couldn’t adapt to these new ideas so they carried on working in the old way. Their day passed by and the new technology was developed through the generations at an increasing rate as the young ones accepted the new technology as normal and the older generations passed on.

                This was to be the way of the world.

*****

It finally wheezed to a full stop, Southbound on the M6, a mile short of Hilton Park Services. Isla was anxious. ‘Do you think I should call the AA?’

                ‘Why not, we have been paying them for years. Let’s see what they can do.’ Said Ted.

Isla did so and reported that rescue would be there in under thirty minutes. They got out and arranged themselves on the grassy bank just behind the crash barrier. Ted got the thermos out of the car so they could enjoy a cup of coffee, while they waited.

                A yellow van with a light rack flashing on top drew to a halt just in front of Flossy and a young man with a well-developed belly heaved himself down from the cab.

                ‘Stay behind the barrier please sir,’ he said as Ted struggled to get over the barrier to talk to him. ‘You cannot be serious, are you really still driving a Morris Minor estate with wood on the back? I haven’t seen one of these for years.’

                ‘She has given us very good service for many years and has been very reliable,’ protested Isla. ‘We call her Flossy.’

                The AA man snorted. ‘I’ll see if I can winch her up on the back and then I’ll take you two and, err - Flossy - to your home where I’ll drop you off. I can’t do any repairs on Flossy as we don’t carry tools now, just this wrist computer. If you climb up and make yourselves comfortable in the back of the wagon, I’ll get Flossy winched up.’

                Ted and Isla couldn’t manage to climb up until Andy showed them the small fold-down step on the side of the van. Ted wanted to sit up the front, just like his inner child told him but Andy told him it wasn’t allowed, EU safety rules.

                Flossy was safely tied down and they set off on the drive South to Dursley where Isla and Ted had lived for over thirty years.

                ‘Do you think Flossy is repairable?’ asked Ted.

                ‘It will cost you about twice that of a new car. I suggest you go and see what is available. You will save money overall as the costs to run a new one are much less than the old fashioned petrol driven things like Flossy. You will probably find that it, er she, will not be allowed on the roads after next year anyway – EU rules on pollution etc.’ explained Andy as he battled with the traffic through the Wednesbury section of the M6.’

                They eventually arrived home and Andy off loaded Flossy onto their driveway.

                ‘Good luck with your new car,’ said Andy, as he shook hands with both of them after getting them to sign his pick up paperwork. He drove off in his nearly noiseless van, with a cheerful wave.

*

‘Poor Flossy,’ said Isla as they sat on the bus that would take them to the garage that had always looked after their faithful Morris, ‘I feel quite guilty having her replaced.’

                ‘Don’t get upset, now, it is just a car,’ said the more pragmatic Ted.

They got off the bus and walked around the corner to the garage. It was gone. A sign over the padlocked gate said, Closed due to EU regulations.

‘I knew a lot of garages had closed but I thought old Bert would carry on forever,’ moaned Ted.

‘Just like Flossy, I suppose,’ mused Isla,’ do you think it will apply to us soon? Put down because of EU regulations?’

‘No, we’ll be ok for a couple of years yet. Let’s go to those new car showrooms down on the Gloucester Road.’

*

They were ushered in by a young man with red braces, gleaming, slicked down hair and a suit that was different to anything that Ted would ever wear.

                ‘How may I help you, Sir and Madam?’ as if he was talking to a couple of dimwits.

Ted did think of playing up to him by asking him to repeat everything and calling him ‘young man’ but he thought the time wasn’t right. He explained their situation and ended up asking how much Flossy would be worth as a part exchange.

                ‘We don’t take the old petrol or diesel clunkers,’ he said unkindly, we only take ten year old nuclear models under EU rules.’

                ‘You had better explain,’ said Ted grimly. This was worse than he had imagined.

The salesman started with his ‘old people’ spiel.

                ‘As the oil started running out and a general world – wide agreement was reached on climate change in 2015, it was agreed that all cars, vans and lorries built after 2018 would be powered by nuclear. The petrol and diesel cars, vans and lorries would be phased out. All engines would be sealed, use the lithium fission process and be built by EADS as, obviously, the airline industry was in steep decline because of the huge rise in government taxes across the world to encourage people to use other, less polluting forms of transport. Security was also an issue as it didn’t seem a good idea to allow terrorists to buy up old cars and strip them down for their nuclear fuel to make a dirty bomb. The engine seal is alarmed with bluetooth link to a hotspot to the internet and thence on to special branch with GPS so the security breach can be shut down very quickly.

                All new cars can be driven in driver or driverless mode. The system is based on GPS which can either direct you to your destination or take you there, as you wish. ‘Some older people cannot cope with driverless cars,’ said the young man with a gleam in his eye.

                ‘I was driving and fixing cars while you were still in nappies,’ said Ted who was getting a little fed up with being lectured.

                ‘Well, yes but the fact is there is no maintenance required for the ten year life of the vehicle – everything is designed to last for ten years, even the tyres etc. At the end of the ten years or if you decide not to have a car any longer, it must be returned to an approved dealer and then sent to EADS for a complete refurbishment and refuelling. The fuel pellets are reprocessed in a secure facility in Broughton – the old aircraft factory in fact.

                The cars all have a common chassis, engine etc. the only differentiation is in the body which is put on top. There are obviously no crashes because of the navigation and distance sensors.

                ‘But with no servicing, no fuel, and no insurance, what has happened to all those jobs?’ asked Isla.

                ‘The people are all busy working on the organic farms, bee keeping or following their creative instincts funded by the government on minimum wages.’ Said Red Braces. ‘If the government can find the money to support bankers, why can’t it do it for ordinary people?

                Of course you will have to have a left hand drive because the UK will change over to driving on the left next year – an EU directive. But to make it easier for old people we will be doing it over two consecutive weekends, commercial vehicles on the first weekend and cars on the following one.

There was a silence, ‘but doesn’t that mean…?’ asked Isla hesitantly.

                ‘Just a joke,’ grinned Braces. ‘I think that is about it, do you want a car?’

                ‘How much are they?’ asked Ted

                ‘Totally free under the EU job creation directive.’

                ‘It all seems too good to be true, said Ted.

                ‘That’s because you are old,’ said the odious young man, ‘the world is changing and you old ones are getting left behind.’

Ted stood up, looked the young man in the eye and asked, have you ever done any boxing?’

                ‘No, of course not, it’s too barbaric.’

                ‘Well I have’, said Ted, looking down at the young man spread-eagled on the floor.’ Come on Isla. Let’s go home and I’ll sort Flossie out, I am probably the only guy left in Dursley who can do it, even if I haven’t got any red braces. When we can’t keep Flossy going any longer we we’ll walk and cycle everywhere. Until then, we’ll call her a vintage classic.’

                ‘Good bye young man, I should get a doctor to look at that bruise. Do you plan to tell your mates that you got it from an old man?’