Some birthdays are better than others.

Some birthdays are better than others. This sounds like one of those statements that comes under Sybil Faulty’s specialist subject, stating the bleeding obvious but I think the difficulty comes in quantifying the degree of betterness.

            To help you come to some understanding of what I mean, I will quote you a couple of examples.

            My 94^th birthday in 2011 was sort of ok, I had just completed an Open University course called Start writing fiction, I had got an acceptable mark for the first assignment and had sent in what I would describe as my masterwork for the final course assignment. In my terms, this means that I had hopes of just clearing the 40% bar to earn a pass for the course and so gain 10 points towards my Open degree that lay on the far horizon, like your ship that never comes in. I had been working towards this degree for three years and it seemed as far away as ever. Would I live long enough to limp up those three steps to accept that scroll of imitation parchment in an academic black robe, mortar board optional, I had done the research. Apparently it is acceptable to leave the Zimmer at the foot of the steps and imitate an F1 pit stop and change to elbow crutches before starting the accent.

            Now, by contrast, my 158^th birthday in 2075 was a lot better. I still hadn’t completed enough modules and earned enough points for a degree of course but I had passed A 215, Creative writing and A369 Advanced Creative writing so I was now qualified to write to the reader’s letters pages of The Sun. These letters, of course, are all fiction and so excellent practice as recommended by my Tutor – even though they never did see fit to print any of mine. The good news was that, the Thursday before my birthday, I had my novel accepted for publication by Hudder and Staunton. You will no doubt have read it by now so I don’t need to tell you the title. It was a phenomenal worldwide success, having sold some 13 copies in the USA alone. I am, of course, in discussions with the publishers about the amount of the advance for research etc. for my second novel, as soon as they return my calls that is. They are probably very busy dealing with the marketing, merchandising and film rights for my first masterpiece.

             I’ll just try calling them again……..